Chuck E. Cheese

This mouse creeps me out so bad.  Check out this training video, if you get bored fast forward to about 8 minutes where Chuck starts interacting with the people, and watch him “Make it happen.”

Dick Density in New York

Ok so that title might be misleading, but I have a hypothesis about the anger of New Yorkers. New Yorkers are not assholes in general, there are just more assholes in New York. Last night I was walking through Manhattan and saw a very hideous gentlemen nearing a cross-walk and a car pulled off of the curb into traffic, his window was down and his lights were off. The hideous kid screamed at the car, “Turn your fucking lights on you dick!” The driver forgot to turn his lights on, and I think a “turn your lights on,” would have sufficed. But this gross kid had to throw a few expletives in there to make his point. I broke him down psychologically and determined that he was pissed at the world because he was such a frumpy fuck. The usual excuse for most assholes. And even though this incident wasn’t the most assholey thing I’ve seen here-not close-I think it illustrates my point.

Because of the extremely dense population of the city an average person like myself is more likely to come across assholes like this ugly guy. In Oregon I wouldn’t come across as many people per day, so therefore I did not see as many assholes per day. However in New York, the assholes are ever present because people are ever present. And assholes are unfortunately the thing that you tend to remember from the days activities, or maybe it’s really ugly people that you remember, and that’s why I used this guy for my example.

Look for future posts about my time in New York, as tomorrow I finally move out of my roommates room and into my own cell.

3 Best Sports Questions

Great questions to bring up at a table full of friends.  The conversation usually gets heated, but I think it’s worth some of the outlandish claims that come from it.

1. If you went back in time to the 1950’s, could you play professional basketball?

2. Could you field a team of your most athletic male friends and play in the WNBA?

3. If you had a time machine or enough money to get a sex change, would you prove it?

Favorite Books: I’m an Idiot

The other day I was friend requested on Facebook by a person I didn’t know.  Usually I accept the friend request  with a simple browse through their profile to make sure they’re not some deranged Insane Clown Posse fanatic.  Everything seemed to check out, but then something caught my eye that really chapped my ass.   Under the profile prompt of “favorite books,” this person had written “I don’t read.”  I get that this would have been a cool thing to write when I was like 13, but if you’re a 22 year old adult, you shouldn’t be advertising the fact that you don’t read.

My favorite part of the whole thing is that the “Favorite book” prompt is not by any means a concrete part of the profile.  You can simply not put anything there and it won’t show up.  So not only could this person not think of a book to represent their personality, even if they hadn’t read it, but they chose to write “I don’t read,” instead of simply leaving it blank.  Is it still that cool to be a dumbass? Needless to say, I did not befriend this person on Facebook and you shouldn’t either.

Take a mug, Leave a mug

I’m generally not a forgetful person, but I always lose my tea mugs.  I’ve gone out to purchase a new and beautiful mug and lost it within 12 hours.  I’m sure it’s because I can’t put it in my bag without worrying that its contents will spill into my laptop.  I’m curious whether somebody comes by and snags it for keeps or turns it into the lost and found.  Losing a mug would usually ruin my day, but about a week ago I realized the solution to my problem, and I’ll never buy a mug again.

I walked past a table at the university and registered that there was a very nice looking mug sitting alone.  I figured that the person who lost it would be back for it in due time.  So I let it sit there.  I walked by the same table about 8 hours later and saw that the mug was still there.  I thought about the moral implications of taking it for a while and then justified the 50 some odd mugs that I’ve lost to be good enough reason to take this one.  So I took this beautiful mug and I cleaned it twice over.  I’ve been drinking from it for the past couple days and it’s a great mug.  I love this mug.  But like other mugs that I’ve loved, it will leave me without me even knowing it.  But that’s ok, because it wasn’t mine to begin with.  Someone else will enjoy this mug.  They’ll sip their coffee and wonder what kind of person had the mug before them and I’ll move on and find another stranded gem.

I want to make it clear that I don’t consider this stealing or even in the slightest bit dishonest.  The lost and found system is an inefficient and corrupt system that provides only for the aristocrats that run it.  My system is more like the take a penny leave a penny at your local convenient store.  Sometimes you leave a mug, and sometimes you need to take one.  In the end everyone breaks even.

Save 2 Hours

I saw 21 at the $1 theater with very little hopes going in.  Unfortunatley even my small expectations were not met.  The writing was supremely  terrible.  Although, I did pull one line out that I will gladly use for the next couple months when my friends piss me off.  “I will break your cheekbone with a small hammer, and then I’m going to kill you.”  WTF!  Why my cheekbone?  Why is the hammer small?  Laurence Fishburne was appropriately cast in the role of a bad ass Vegas security guru, but if you give anyone lines like that, they’ll look like a giant bag of tools.  I was encouraged to see this movie by a friend, but as a true friend I beg of you to save your two hours and Stumble instead.

Facebook Fever

My friend Tyler wrote a song about Facebook that I think is pretty relevant.  Here he is performing it live at our fraternity philanthropy.