Plotting People

Copy

I came into the advertising school wanting to be a copywriter, and as I get closer to graduation I don’t want to even be associated with the word “copy”.  Where the hell did that word come from anyway.  I don’t write copy, I write words, ideas, thoughts, stories, characters.  I’m a writer.  Every time someone says anything of relative wit or substance, you don’t tell them what great “copy” it was.  You don’t tell an essayist or poet what brilliant “copy” they write.  

From here on out I say we eliminate the word copy, it’s offense and restrictive.  Body-copy will now be called “details” or “story.”  Never again will someone ask another person for some “copy,” instead they can ask for some writing.  Advertising has changed, it’s time that the “copy” we use to describe it changes as well.

Rehab or Punishment?

Am I the last person on earth to have seen this phenomenon.

Beautiful Voice

This Welsh artist named Duffy sounds a little like Amy Winehouse…just way better.  And she looks mentally stable.

Calvin Peeing

If you have a vinyl sticker on your car of Calvin peeing, get the hell out of my face. I don’t care if he is peeing on Osama, Ford, Satan or the Dallas Cowboys. If you have one of those stickers you are damn near the lowest life form on Earth. I just don’t understand why that’s the best way to make a statement. Bumper stickers are pretty lame in general. I don’t have any friends with bumper stickers. You’re either a pro-Bush asshole with mud flaps on your SUV, a pro-Kerry wiener with a dilapidated piece of shit 1979 Subaru, or a hardcore Christian that warns the drivers following to be weary of the car becoming unmanned due to The Rapture. These are the only people clueless enough to believe that another driver on the road really gives two shits about their political views or life philosophies. You don’t see a Porsche with a bumper sticker. Bumper stickers are the only way the lower class can be heard in this country. Pretty effective.

Don’t even get me started on the oversaturated “Support _______,” magnetic ribbon market or the vanity plate industry. Maybe I should have a sticker of Calvin peeing on a sticker of Calvin peeing. That would show them. All that pee all over the place. Ha.

Bobby Budnick

Recognize the name. That’s because you love Salute Your Shorts, and you were caused to relate with the rebellious Bobby Budnick’s pranks against Ug. Enjoy the piece of nostalgia that I have left below. It brings back the hay-day of Nickelodeon and lets us remember an easier time, with pogs, mix-tapes and fanny-packs.  I suggest that you check up on your favorite characters from those shows. I bet you didn’t know that Bobby Budnick(Danny Cooksey) also did the voice of Stoop Kid in one episode of Hey Arnold.

Top 5 Most Painful Things(no medical attention)

There are many things that physically hurt a man throughout a normal day.  Things that you don’t need to go to the doctor for, but that might bring a tear to your eye.  Here are my top five.  Feel free to ad your own.

1.  Zit on inside of nostril

2.  Sneezing while peeing

3.  Getting shot in the ear with a paintball gun

4.  Open handed slap on a bad sunburn

5.  Standard nut shot in below freezing temperatures

The Gearless Wonder

I have decided that the most crucial part of life is changing pace. Changing things up is crucial to relationships, sports, leadership, creativity, physical and mental health, and just about everything else in life. The person who remains constant, remains ineffective. Others will figure you out and tune you out.

To maintain a strong relationship with someone consistency and reliability are necessary, but the third ingredient is spontaniety. Taking the time to surprise your boyfriend, girlfriend, or best friend goes a long way in a relationship.

In sports, changing gears is one of the most often overlooked and easiest skills to learn. Soccer players seem to pick it up more naturally. If you watch a soccer player play basketball they slow down and speed up more than everyone else on the court. When you’re taught to make a good cut in any sport, the mantra is “slow in, quick out.” Moving slowly lulls the defender to sleep, and then you explode. The person who sprints as hard as possible at all times, may seem admirable, but is generally an idiot. Hustle is great, when paired with intelligence.

Every effective leader knows when to control his emotions and when to release them. A coach or teacher that constantly yells, will get tuned out in a matter of days. But, the leader who shows a compassionate and sympathetic side will get more out of his subjects. His yelling will have context. “Oh wow, he must have reason to be disappointed.” “He must think we can do better.” He won’t just be an angry person.

A gearless wonder is someone who traps themselves in a mental framwork that’s unchanging. Someone who thinks in black and white, and only stays white. The interesting thing is , they can be at opposite ends of the “work ethic spectrum.” A gearless wonder can be the most ass-tight, workaholic ever. But, if he doesn’t take time to gather himself it will show in his work. It will get done efficiently, but not effectively and everyone will hate you for jacking up stress levels. On the other end of the spectrum is the stoner/slacker, who believes that nothing is crucial or important. While I understand this thought process, it sucks. Heed thy advice Mr. Gearless Wonder: If you don’t take a single thing in this world seriously, no one will take you seriously. And conversely, if you consider everything a life or death matter, you’ll have no friends.

Mr. Anecdotal

Everyone knows this guy. And he knows you. In fact, he’s got 10 stories with you and him in it. Obviously you’re a minor character in the story and he the triumphant lead, but he’s got stories nonetheless. This guy will seem fun and interesting at first.  You will enjoy his first tales of debauchery and nonsensical nostalgia. In fact, you’ll start to tell your own doozies, but as he dives into a stories about every street sign and shop you pass, you’ll see through his entertainer facade and realize he sucks. Heed thy advice: He who has a story for everything, wants not to make another.  Avoid him.

Bar Stamps

I went to an 18 and over bar this weekend, and as protocol for many clubs the bouncer stamped my forearm. This stamp signaled to the bartender that I was indeed 21 years old and could purchase alcohol for the minors without stamps. I appreciated the power this stamp gave me on Saturday. But by tuesday, when I still couldn’t get this fucking thing off of my arm, I started to get pissed. But I don’t believe in staying angry. Instead, I’m just going to use this anger and turn it into profit.

I plan on owning a bar later in life and after my stamp experience I’ve decided on a perfect way to advertise. Instead of giving folks a normal stamp that lingers for only a few days, I’m going to stamp my patrons with henna. A henna logo of my bar. That way, everytime they look at their arm for 3 weeks they’ll be reminded of the wonderful time they had at my bar. Every one who shakes their hand or glances at their arm will also see my bars logo. By my estimations my bar will get 4,217 exposures for every stamp. If a student attends my bar just once a month, it is likely that they will be tatooed with my logo for nearly their entire time in college.